So, in September of 2010, I found myself pregnant. I was very early, about 4 weeks to be exact when I found out. I calculated that my due date would have been May 2011 – the same month that I would be graduating college. Since I knew a few people that have had abortions in the past, it was a no brainer for me to go ahead and get rid of the baby. Travis and I briefly talked about it, but we both came up with the decision that keeping the baby wasn’t an option. I, for one, didn’t want it to mess up my plans to graduate college and move forward with my career. Travis was busy doing his own thing, so we did what was best for us at the time. I know this is probably a shocker to most of my friends because only a select few knew what I was experiencing at the time. You know…it’s crazy that people don’t really know what you’re going through at any given time in your life because they don’t care to ask. Or, when they call you, it’s more so about them and what they have going on rather than asking you about what you’ve been dealing with or going through.
Anyway, we went to the clinic and got an abortion. We still went about our lives, living it how we wanted…carelessly. Welp, guess what…. not even five months later (February 2011), I found myself pregnant again! What? You mean to tell me that I didn’t learn my lesson the first time? Nope. What were we going to do about it this time? Abortion. It was a no brainer again. I remember when I went to the clinic the second time around, the Doctor told me that he didn’t want to see me in there again. I didn’t feel bad at the time about having two abortions back to back because I was living such a selfish lifestyle. I was selfish because I put Travis’ needs and wants before my own. My dad always told me how I needed to put myself first, but that just went in one ear and out the other.
Fast forward to May 2011. I graduated college and everything was great. Travis and I still had our issues, but that wasn’t anything new, right? I graduated college, left the Social Security Administration and started working at a University so that I could obtain my graduate degree for free. Things were going great on the outside, but I was literally dying on the inside because my relationship was in the same stagnant place…withering away. I was tired of going through Travis’ phone, finding out about girl after girl after girl. It was getting old and it was getting old fast. I decided that while Travis was doing his own thing, I would go ahead and do my own thing as well. I was talking to guys on the side, but nothing serious. I decided to make it serious and basically have a backup boyfriend for when Travis was acting up.
That summer, I found out that Travis was talking to a few girls from a different city. I was kind of sad, but not really because I had my backup boyfriend that no one really knew about. So although I paint this terrible picture of Travis and how he was a no good boyfriend, I wasn’t really a good person in general considering I was leading other guys on. In addition to my backup boyfriend, I had a few guys on reserve just in case my backup boyfriend wasn’t acting right. Travis found out about one of the guys that I had on reserve because he went through my facebook one evening. That caused all hell to break loose. You mean to tell me that you can do whatever you want to whoever you want and I can’t have a “friend” on the side? That is how I looked at it. Travis cut me off and didn’t talk to me for a few weeks after that. I decided to drop that reserve and pick him back up later, if needed.
Later on that summer, Travis and I reconciled and he moved into my dad’s house with me. He would still go out of town all of the time and claim it was for music, but I was happy because at least we were living together! We fought occasionally because of course I would always find him talking to other girls. Gosh, shouldn’t I have learned my lesson by then? Anyway, we had some serious issues, but it was basically the same stuff we have been dealing with our entire relationship so it wasn’t anything new to me. We would physically fight, but that still wasn’t a red flag for either of us.
In late 2012 and early 2013, I decided that I wanted to get married. I talked to Travis about it, but of course he was being his nonchalant self and was like, “whatever”. I had a friend who worked at a jewelry store at the time and told me that he’d give me a good deal on a ring. I found the ring I wanted online and my friend told me the price that he would sell it to us for, which was a really good deal. I told Travis that I wanted to go look at rings and he said ok, without knowing that I knew exactly what ring I wanted and how much it was going to cost. We got to the jewelry store and I basically forced him to get my engagement ring on credit. He agreed to get it, but made it clear that he would propose when he was ready. This was February 2013. I was happy because he was paying $250 a month for it so in my mind, I knew things were about to get real. Red flag number TWO, never force someone into doing what they aren’t ready to do!!
I’ll pick back up where we left off………….
Back to Raising. XOXO.