At this point in our relationship, we have been on again, off again for about a year now. I was at Marshall University in West Virginia and he was at Tuskegee University down in Alabama. Trying to maintain a long distance relationship in college was tough. I wanted to experience all of what college was about and meet new people, but I also wanted my relationship to work. We talked every day on the phone – a few times a day. He would call me in the morning before class, around lunch time, dinner time, and then before he went to sleep. This was our routine our entire freshman year. We would argue occasionally because on weekends, he would go out with his friends and fail to let me know. I hated it because I would blow his phone up all night long and he wouldn’t answer. Like hello, just answer the dag on phone! LOL. We were only able to see each other twice during our freshman year – Thanksgiving break and Christmas break.
One time, I was able to figure out the password for Travis’ facebook account and I saw where he wrote his classmate and asked for her to be his Valentine. Umm… what? I took it upon myself to write the girl and tell her that he wasn’t going to be anyone’s valentine and that she can kick rocks. Obviously I put the blame on the girl, but Travis should have been the person I was mad at, right? Now that I think about it, I was pretty bold back then…and stupid. So, since Travis was talking to other girls, I decided that I would talk to other guys too! I’m not sure how I let it be known that I was available at the time, but I found myself talking to a few guys – nothing too serious. I started to go clubbing a lot more because after all, if Travis was going to act single, so was I!
The last week of my freshman year of college, Travis broke up with me. I think it is because we were just arguing way too much, I am not sure. Of course he would break up with me right before the summer started, right? I mean, we were together our entire freshman year without seeing each other and now he wanted to break up with me? Wow. I was sad and heartbroken of course…I spent my entire freshman year of college kind of on reserve because I was in a relationship. Yes, I talked to other guys, but I didn’t make anything too serious because I was after all in a relationship! Now that I was no longer in a relationship, I felt like I wasted my entire freshman year! GOSH!!
Anyway, that summer, I landed an intern job at the Social Security Administration. I had just turned 19 and I had a big girl job. I was dying inside though because my relationship with Travis failed. At this point, I had spent almost two years with him (on again, off again). It sucked. I loved him so much and I just wanted it to work out. He just wanted to hang out with his friends and didn’t want to make time for a nagging girlfriend. Oh, not to mention, I found out that he took yet another girl to prom (a Maryland prom). Like, WHAT? So is that the reason he was so pressed to break up before the summer started? I found out that he was not only talking to that girl, but talking to other girls as well. Any normal person would have just fled from the scene, right? Nope. Not me. I stuck around like a puppy dog on the side of the road waiting to be saved. This is when I decided that enough was enough and I did the “Big Chop #1”. The reason I am calling it the “Big Chop #1” is because years later down the road, I would find myself doing another big chop. Anyway, I chopped off all of my hair and decided to allow my hair to be a representation of my relationship with Travis – dead. I can’t say that I was remotely happy at that time, but it did feel good to kind of start fresh with a new look.
Again, I found myself talking to a few guys here and there, but again, it was nothing serious. I had guys on standby for whenever Travis and I would break up. Looking back, it was wrong of me to just lead them on…essentially what Travis was doing to me. Travis would call me from time to time, I think just to keep me around – not really because he wanted me. It’s like he didn’t really want me, but he didn’t want anyone else to have me. This back and forth pretty much went on for the first two months that we were out of school. I would blow him up and he would occasionally answer, but not often. I eventually stopped blowing him up and guess what? He called me. I am guessing that he liked to play the game of cat and mouse back then. Who knows…but what I do know is that it was a terrible game for my heart. We would still meet up to have sex during these two months of constant back and forth. Again, I was completely vulnerable and looking back, I should have never allowed that to happen, especially since Travis didn’t respect me. Rule # 1: never allow anyone to take advantage of your heart and your feelings.
About a month or so before school was about to start back up, Travis decided that he wanted to be with me again. Of course you already know that I jumped at the opportunity to get back with him. He was about to leave again for school and we just wanted to spend our last few weeks together. Let me tell ya’ll…these last few weeks that we spent together were amazing. He treated me right and we were doing things that we used to do prior to our ups and downs. So, since Travis had a to leave a few weeks before me because of football, we were able to say our proper goodbyes and we made sure to keep in contact when he left. He called me a few times a day and things were still going great. About a week before I left for Marshall, he called me and told me that he was thinking about leaving Tuskegee and coming to Marshall. What? I was so excited. I couldn’t contain my excitement. He strongly disliked the south so that motivated him even more to apply for Marshall, get his transcripts in order, and book a flight to Huntington, WV. Since my dad didn’t leave let to bring my stuff up to my dorm, Travis’ mom was able to catch my dad and drop all of his clothes and shoes off so that my dad could bring his stuff as well.
I was in complete bliss. I finally had my boyfriend with me at college. It was great. We spent our entire sophomore year arguing…but it wasn’t all bad. Besides the fact that I caught him trying to talk to other girls from time to time, we had some pretty decent times. Our sophomore year of college is when Travis started to tune into his musical talent. He was able to hook up with a talented producer and the producer helped Travis find his musical gifts.
Things started to move all the way south when we went home the summer of our sophomore year. I started to work my second year of the internship at the Social Security Administration and they offered me an opportunity to keep my job while in school…under one condition: I would have to move back home and go to Shepherd University. It didn’t take me too long to ponder on that decision because I knew that essentially, having a government job on my resume would set me up for a successful future in the workforce. Travis had no choice but to stay home and not return to Marshall…because his grades were too bad and he got placed on academic suspension. Geez… Travis didn’t seem to worry because he was so focused on music at the time and nothing else mattered. Red flag for our relationship.
My sophomore/junior year of college started and I was attending Shepherd University. The reason I call it my sophomore/junior year is because when I transferred to Shepherd, I changed my major from Social Work to Business and thus, I lost a lot of credits and was essentially labeled as a sophomore due to the amount of credits that I had. At this point, Travis started to hang out with his friends from high school and started to put a lot of focus into music. He started to travel back and forth from Morgantown, WV (West Virginia University) and Martinsburg (our home town). Since WVU was a huge college town, it was a better scene for his music. He wasn’t in school at the time, but people would have probably thought he was a WVU student with as much time as he spent there.
Our relationship took a huge turn for the worst during that time frame. The back and forth was just too much and I could definitely tell that I was being placed on the back burner. Why he decided to string me along, I have no clue…but I was down for the ride. I kept finding out about girl after girl after girl. I would still stick with him though because after all, he was feeding me a completely different story. This carried on for a few years and by this time, it was 2010 and I fell pregnant…..yikes. Is that even surprising considering we were totally being reckless?
I will pick back up where we left off…………..
Back to Raising. XOXO.